I just sat down and opened my lap top with a purpose. Then I forgot what it was. The purpose, not the lap top. I wanted to look something up, that much I know. But what? Was it important? Any ideas?

statcounter!

Her name was one of the first words to ever come out of my mouth.

Not that it means anything but it means everything to me. 

She's solid. A rock. We didn't speak for a long time.

But in many ways we lived parallel lives during those years.

To say that I love her isn't enough.

To say that she's a part of me doesn't describe it. 

She's in a hospital so far away. 

Not that I could do anything, even if it were next door.

I'm angry. 

More angry than at my own circumstance.

I want to punch something someone anyone. 

If only that would help.

I can't understand it anymore than anything else.

It hurts more than even I can comprehend.

At night I whisper, "please please be okay."

And I know. 

No matter what.

She will be.

it can't be any other way.

I see stuff

I saw this woman today.

A friend I was with thought it was sad that she's all alone out there.

I saw her more as an independent spirit who waits for nothing(except the bus) and answers to no one. Look at those old school adidas... Rock it, granny! I salute you.

This woman is rad. I very much enjoyed the moments I spent riding behind her.

cleanse = run on sentance (and incomplete, un drafted post)

I've been on a juice cleanse, otherwise known as a juice fast, which I have just broken with the only-in-an-emergency-if-you-must-so-you-don't-die avocado bit. Not that I was going to die but I sure was peakish. While I hear that's normal and the body is just detoxing, I didn't want to take ymy chances, given the circumstances of my medical sitch. Yeah, I said sitch. Also, I have a terrible disorder called lack of willpower. And extreme dislike of discomfort. You may be familiar with it.

For the last three days, until avocado breakdown, I have had nothing but juice with one smoothie a day. I got sold on this whole cleanse because it seemed easy (ish) and promised more variety than I could whip up by myself supplemented by whole foods carrot juice. There have been major ups and downs and definite periods of wishing, desperately, that I had chosen three days when I wasn't working. In my line of work there is a fair bit of inactivity on a lot of days, which, when fasting, can lead to food obsession. Oh wait, I started with food obsession.... Regardless, it was a good experience.

Today alone I have taken in almost 160 ounces of water. That's a lot of water. I've lost about 5 pounds of what I assume is water weight but what really scares me is what if it's not? What else in my body could weigh 5 pounds?! Don't answer that.

its hard for me to stick to things. I am super gung ho for about two weeks of any endeavor. What usually happens is, something becomes a minor pain in my ass and I scrap the whole plan. WEll, apparently I'm getting better. I started using a metal water bottle a few months ago. Since I don't want to even accidentally advertise for them all I will say is they are popular, swiss, made from aluminum and have had some customer relations issues of late. My customaer issues were, my first two had a funny smell/taste, probably related to the plastic BPA lining they used! My last one mysteriously began leaking out the bottom, odd for a steel bottle. So I got it in my head that I needed a whole new bottle, a whole new, unrelated brand (the third bottle I had was under a different name, same company though.) I went online, found a super cute little store not far from my house and ventured there on a field trip.

I didn't expect too much based on my experience with "green" stores. Holy moly, was I ever wrong! This place has everything from beauty products (I got a couple tubes of fabulous vegan lip balm...) to mattresses (I didn't get one of those...). Also, tons of kid lunch stuff that made me wish I was still in the 4th grade! It won't let me steal the photos but trust me...

All that aside, this post is about what I did get. I got the pink Klean Kanteen. I can't believe I bought pepto bismal pink anything either, but it was that or royal blue or plain stainless steel, which experience has taught me, shows finger prints. The other one I bought partially because the pink fairy is waay too big to fit the gym cupholders, ( I know, so L.A.) and partially because I think it's pretty and I really needed to make up for the pink thing. Did I mention I hate most versions of the colour pink? It's from a company called U-Turn 2 Tap (that's a link). There are loads of smaller companies making these bottles now but this one just spoke to me... ( who am I today?!)

To add to my small part of creating less waste I got some BYO Bags, which stop you from having to use the plastic bags for fruits and veg at the market. I used one this morning and felt very self-righteous! Which brings me back round to the point...wait, was there a point? Oh right, I'm really going to make an effort every single day to reduce the amount of waste I create. And don't tell me in some whiny voice that you recycle your plastic bottles, that doesn't count, think of the energy used for recycling! AND! are you really truly able to find recycling facilities everywhere you go? I didn't think so.

There was no movement on yesterday's project today due to an unforeseen vet trip to get my dog's anal glands expressed. It was an emergency situation and could not be helped.

Hey you out there

There was a someone out there who commented a bunch and has since deleted them. If you happen to end up back here at any point, I saw them and I really appreciated them.

My new project: The fabric shelf.

I want to make shit. Seriously, I want to be crafty. More than that though I just want to be able to start with nothing but a pile of junk and end up with something out of said junk. The problem is that I never stick to anything. The biggest problem with having such a high level of self knowledge is that, since I figured that out, I never start anything either.

Which brings me to my next/first/probably never gonna happen project. I love textiles. I love looking at pictures of fabric all folded up on a fabric shelf in, what I assume to be, someone's craft room. (Or pink man cave if you're a reader of My Mom's a Nerd.) The possibilities that emanate from such a shelf overwhelm me. I could go on and on but the truth is, I just want my own damn fabric shelf! I want to look up and say, "Hmmm, one day I'll have to make curtains... or, napkins." (Or whatever else, aprons?) So really, see, the project is two fold. Not only will I have my fabric shelf, but eventually I will have to actually make something out of my fabric. (Especially once my other half figures out that I've purchased a bunch of fancy fabrics with the soul purpose being to put in on the shelf and make clutter. Let's just say, she's not as big a fan of what us connoisseurs call "piles of stuff", but that's another post entirely. )

**The picture above is from Manhattan Craft Room. Click it.